Opening Day!

Well, after the tedium and grind of Spring Training(1), it's finally here.

Opening Day.

I'm excited, of course.
We're in first place. Undefeated on the season. I have yet to strike out, or ground into an inning-ending double-play. The possibilities are endless.

Much like the historic Cincinnati Reds, we have been chosen by the league to participate in the first game of the new season. I presume there will be a military fly-over, and some big-name celebrity to sing the National Anthem. I don't know if the president will be throwing out the first pitch, but I'm sure it will be some major dignitary. Maybe the pope?

My extensive scouting report(2) indicates that our opposition is a team called "Help Wanted". THAT's a good sign. Obviously, this is a team that's not o'erbrimming with self-confidence. That's the kind of weakness a polished team like NPD(3) can exploit.

Hey - since the first game is tonight (6:30 PM, Central Daylight Time. Check your local listings), this is your last chance to take part in the "What excruciating injury will Tom sustain during the season?" lottery.

I'm as limber as a two-by-four (not very limber), so it really is only a matter of time before something is strained, sprained, torn, or broken. I've called dibs on the "massive groin injury" - a la Nomar Garciaparra for the hometown Cubs last season. A full rippage of the muscle from the bone, completely incapacitating me.)
Other weak spots for you to exploit:
knees
hips(4)
ankles
throwing shoulder
ribcage muscle(5)
fingers/blistering (left index finger is taped as a precaution)

Turns out our jerseys are dark green. That doesn't exactly work for me, fashion-wise, but, you know, I'm a gamer. I can roll with the punches.

We should be receiving a tentative linup from the team captain shortly. I'll post with an update when that comes through.


(1) And/or one half-assed practice session
(2) Looking at the season schedule
(3) Our team is "Naperville Park District". Not very threatening sounding, is it? I'm running an internet anagram server right now. Hopefully, that will turn out something good. If you have any suggestions for a team name or mascot, I'm happy to take suggestions.
(4) my extensive rehab (6) for my hip seems to have worked wonders
(5) i pull this every time i play golf - and swinging a bat is not unlike swinging a golf club
(6) rehab has included poking the part that hurts, wincing, and saying, "wow, my hip really hurts." Also, a lot of Alleve.