Pick up your coaches!

Wow, that was a record-setting game last night!

And, by "record-setting", I mean (to quote Comic Book Guy):
Worst. Game. Ever.

Wow, did we stink it up last night, or WHAT? The Translative Dick Ripplers have played some bad ball over the course of this season, but it was universally agreed that that was our worst performance. Which is really saying something.

I was back at short, and played a decent game there. I stopped one ball with my ribs, and I've got a nice bruise to show for it. I went to my knees a couple of times to corral sharply-hit grounders. Ripped my knee open (just above my raspberry-protecting wrap), so there was some fresh blood to show for last night.

I don't know how major-leaguers do it, unless they've got some kind of knee guards. I, for one, want to play with those big, 70's-style volleyball kneepads. You know, vintage Patrick Ewing. (See photo.)

At the plate, I went 2-for-3, and was involved in a regrettable play while on base. I led off our second inning with another really nice rip between third and short. (Just call me Tony "5.5 Hole" Gwynn. [* See note below])

It would probably have been a double, but for another very good defensive team. I rounded first and was about a third of the way to second, but the left-fielder fielded it cleanly and got it back in in a hurry, so I had to retreat. The next batter hit another hard ball to the left side, fielded by the third baseman. Maybe it was my blazing speed, but he chose to go to first, and not try to get me at second to set up a double play. The first baseman couldn't pick the throw, runner safe.

Runners on first and second, nobody out.

I stood on second, waiting to run at the crack of the bat. I couldn't see the plate, or the contact, because you can't lead off the base, and so the hit was blocked by the pitcher's body. With no outs, I had to be prepared to tag on a fly ball. I didn't see the ball rise above the pitcher's head, so I presumed it was a ground ball to the middle. I glanced back and saw that there was a throw to first, so I presumed it was a grounder to the pitcher.

But what, in fact, had happened is that the pitcher had snagged a line drive (batter out) and thrown it to first to double off the runner. I stood, indecisively in the 5.5 Hole, not knowing whether to run on or go back. (I was still unclear as to what had happened, and why I should go back when the batter was forced out at first.)

Probably a good, oh, twelve seconds elapsed before I decided to go back to second. It took the other team about, oh, eleven seconds to figure out that I hadn't, and they threw the ball over to nip me on a bang-bang play.

Triple play.

That's not something you see every day.
Needless to say, I heard a few words about that play for, oh, the rest of the night. It actually took about an inning and a half before they would even explain to me what had happened. Obviously, I know you can't advance on a caught ball without tagging. But I never saw it as a caught out; the ball never got higher than the pitcher's head. As I say, he must have snagged a low liner - completely blocked from my vision.

Anyway, the moral of the story, kiddies, is that you have to pick up your third base coach. The indomitable Dave was coaching third, and was hoarse the rest of the night, having shouted at me "GET BACK" about 500 times. I never even glanced in his direction.

Oh, well.

I missed a few grounders to my right side, so eventually I slid over to cheat that (say it with me, now) 5.5 Hole. Of course, the very next pitch was a sharp grounder to my left, in the recently vacated hole. So, I don't feel like I really acquitted myself at short.

But after the game, I was talking with the guys - including our erstwhile shortstop Steve - and they were talking about Steve's great play in left field (dude's got wheels) and Brett's admirable play at second base, and then asked how I liked it at short. I said I loved it there, but didn't feel like I was our best option at the position. It's kind of an ARod/Jeter thing. Steve's a better shortstop, but I want to play that position, too.

I don't know that it will come up again; Chuck will be back in left on Sunday (he was out last night), which likely means Steve will be back at short. Which will either mean someone's going to have to decide whether to play me or Brett at 2B (or, frustratingly, platoon us) or possibly leaving Brett at 2B and putting me back at first, letting Jeff just play EH.

We'll see.

Double-header Sunday. That should be fun. Most families will be out there, and there will be a barbecue, it looks like.

INJURY UPDATE:
The raspberry continues to be raspberry-y.
As I mentioned above, I also cut a small gash on my knee.
Both knees are fairly-well bruised, as well.
I tried to catch a hard liner to my right with my bare hand, and I only caught a piece of the ball with the tip of my right ring finger. Which was numb for most of the rest of the game, but seems fine this morning.
I poked myself in the eye, but recovered.
Lower ribcage bruise from the grounder I took off the belly.
Wrist still doing its wristy thing.
Ankle seems fine.

Anyone got some HGH?

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* (Note for Mary): The defensive players are arrayed on the diamond in a specific alignment, and each position is assigned a number, for scorekeeping purposes. The numbers are:

1 - pitcher
2 - catcher
3 - first base
4 - second base
5 - third base
6 - shortstop
7 - left field
8 - center field
9 - right field

Therefore, if the batter hits a ground ball to the shortstop (6), who throws the ball to the first baseman (3) to get him out, this is scored a 6-3. Any player who touches the ball is recorded in the order in which they touched it.

This can get complicated, on double (or triple) plays. Hypothetically, if the pitcher (1) catches a line drive, and then throws to the first baseman (3) to double off the runner on first , who then throws to the shorstop (6) to double off the runner on second, that would be scored a 1-3-6. Of course, that would never happen, because the runner on second - if he had any baseball sense - would have had plenty of time to scramble back to the base while the runner on first was being doubled off.

Tony Gwynn was one of the best hitters in the history of baseball. He was a left-hander who had an uncanny knack for slapping hits between the shortstop and third baseman. He did this so frequently that he took to calling that the "5.5 hole". (Third baseman is 5 and shortstop is 6, so the space between them, he figured, would be 5.5.)